


The smelly shoe and friends

by marty_mcfries, thewerewolfswife



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack, F/M, Gen, How Do I Tag, Humor, I Don't Even Know, M/M, Nonsense, Oh God Yes, Other, What Have I Done
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-24
Updated: 2013-06-24
Packaged: 2017-12-16 01:11:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/856056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marty_mcfries/pseuds/marty_mcfries, https://archiveofourown.org/users/thewerewolfswife/pseuds/thewerewolfswife
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hermione Granger and Fred Weasley are in love, until Fred decided to ask Hermione out, and everything goes wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The smelly shoe and friends

**Author's Note:**

> warning!this is a total crack!fic non of this is to take Seriously. not recomended for Pregnant woman, people with heart Diseases, small childern and people in generl. ;)
> 
> comments and kudos are welcome! (:

Hermione Granger had a secret.  
She was in love with Fred Weasley.  
No one knew that Hermione Granger was in love with Fred, not even her best friends.  
Especially not her best friends, Harry Potter and Ron Weasley.  
No, not Ron. Ron can't know she is in love with Fred.  
He can never find out that from the first moment she saw Fred, on the express train to Hogwarts, in her first year, she loved him.  
And he loved her.

One day Fred decided to tell her how much he loved her and invite her with him to the broccoli restaurant near his home. "Hermione!" Called Fred "Yes, Fred?" Hermione turned to face him, "Hermione,  would you want to go ... At the end of the day ... Hogsmeade has a pretty good restaurant ... but only if you want ... don't have to ..." He mumbled, "I'd love to come," said Hermione "What restaurant is this?" She asked "broccoli House  ," said Fred, "it's the best restaurant in town," he said, "but ... They serve only broccoli ..." Said Hermione "Yes, I love broccoli! i love broccoli almost as much as I love you," he said, "I'm sorry Fred ..." Hermione said "I hate broccoli" It was a hard blow for Fred, but he would not let it separate him from Hermione "Well, never mind, we can go somewhere else ... to the Three Broomsticks, perhaps? a place you like ... "But Hermione shook her head sadly, "that's not it, Fred I simply can't go out with someone who likes broccoli ... it's too embarrassing, goodbye" and she turned her back and went away, and in her heart decided that she would never be tempted to fall in love with a broccoli lover - like fred, never ...

Therefore, a strange thing happened later in that year - "Hermione, I love you." Hermione stared at Ron's face. There was an awkward silence, and ron's sentence as echoed in the air "I love you ... love you ... you ... you ... you ..." The silence continued, "So ..." Ron said, "What do you think?" Hermione did not know what she thinks, she still loved Fred of course but he was no longer an option after the unforgivable broccoli incident. "Do you like broccoli?" Hermione asked Ron "No," said Ron, "Ugh, broccoli" he added, "I love you!" Hermione cried out and ran to him, hugged him in her arms and kissed him. But of course, She did not love Ron, she loved Fred. 

who was Standing up close to them and watch them depressed.

A tragic event happened. Fred died in the war against Voldemort. "He ... he sacrificed his life for a noble cause," said Mrs. Weasley, and blew her nose. They stood around Fred's grave, on the anniversary of his death, and gave speeches, Mrs. Weasley was the last in line. Hermione was in the arms of Ron, who comforted her and wiped her tears. He held her hands in his, and moved his finger on a diamond ring that sparkled on her left hand, a ring he had given her earlier this year. "Let's go" he said and pulled her out of the graveyard, while she sobs.

Ron and Hermione's Wedding was about to happen any day, and she was still in love with Fred, (Hermione, not the wedding. Actually, the wedding too, she was glad that hermione gave up marrying Fred and was marrying Ron) But disappointment awaited for the wedding, becous two days before she was supposed to happen, Hermione died.

"It was so tragic," sobbed Ginny "She went to see the new Winnie the Pooh movie 'Heffalump returns' and a plane crashed into the cinema" Ginny continued to whine, "It's terrible," said Mrs. Weasley sniffling "Anyone who was in the movie theater died? and everyone who was on the plane? "She asked Ginny "there were only two other people in the movie theater but her and they were saved because they had left the film at the beginning because ... because ... because he was so bad!" Ginny burst into tears again. "What about the people who were on the plane?" Asked Mrs. Weasley "there was only a pilot on the plane and when he saw that he was going to crash into the film he jumped off the plane because ... because ... because he read the reviews about it!" Ginny burst into tears again.

Meanwhile in the world of the dead:

"Fred!"  
"Hermione! I'm so glad you're here! i mean, sad, i mean -"  
"Never mind that now," Hermione said, "What's important is that we are together" Fred nodded, "So what happened? Like ... how ... did you die?" He asked "I do not want to talk about it," Hermione said, "Let's call it ... Incident Heffalump 'returns"  
There was a silence.  
"Wow that sounds really hard," said Fred

Meanwhile in the world of living:  
"He was so young!" Mrs. Weasley cried over the grave of George "How did he die?" Ginny asked with tears, "he went on a date with Angelina Johnson to the new movie Winnie the Pooh 'Heffalump's Revenge' and a helicopter crashed into the cinema!" Said Mrs. Weasley sobbing "So Angelina died?" Ginny asked "No," said Mrs. Weasley "She left the date at the beginning because ... because ... because The movie was so bad!" Whined Mrs. Weasley, "What about the pilot of the helicopter?" Ginny asked in a trembling voice, "He jumped out of the helicopter when he saw that he was going to crash into the film because ... because ... His friends told him about it!" Mrs. Weasley burst into tears again

Meanwhile in the world of the dead:  
"George!"  
"Fred, Hermione!"  
"I'm so glad you're here! i mean, sad, i mean -"  
"Never mind that now," Hermione said to Fred, "The important thing is that" She turned to George "- we're getting married!" She said and hugged Fred in her arm "But... But.." George mumbled, "But, I love you"  
harsh. Silence  
"I -" began George, "No." Hermione interrupted, "I will just forget about it," George was silent, pondering her words "me to" Fred said "me to" concluded George "I'm so glad you are here for the wedding! "Called Fred and hugged George as if nothing happened "Maybe ... maybe we should change the subject" Hermione suggested, "So, Georgehow did you die?" She said "I do not want to talk about it," he said, "Let's call it ... incident 'Heffalump's Revenge"  
There was a silence.  
"I get you," said Hermione

Meanwhile in the world of living:  
"Why is this happening to me?" Wailed Mrs. Weasley "Why are they all harvested untimely?" She cried, "This is not so bad" comforted Ginny "Ron is in a better place now" and they kept silent "Tell me how it happened," asked Mrs. Weasley with a wet face "He went to see the movie 'Heffalump: Why do you continue to create more heffalump films if nobody wants to see them? 'And a train drove straight into the cinema! "(Author's note: This was not an accident, the train driver tried to redeem the viewers out of their terrible misery ) Ginny sobbed, "and ... and ... well, you know the rest"

Meanwhile in the world of the dead:  
"Hermione Granger, would you take Fred Weasley to be your dead husband?"  
"I -"  
"No, Hermione do not do this!"  
"Ron?" Hermione said surprised, "What are you doing here?" All guests at the wedding of the dead were shocked, "I went to see the new Heffalump movie because he reminded me of you and a train went straight into the cinema! But it does not matter, what matters is that George told me what happened," George looked at Hermione in a guilty and embarrassed look "and I have to stop you - Do not marry Fred! Do not do it!" Fred looked at him confused "why not?" Ron gave him a confused look, "because she must be with me" he said "No" Fred said she must be with me "  
"Me"  
"Me"  
"Me"  
"Me"  
"No, she must be with me," said George  
"Shut up!" Said Fred and Ron together, "What do you have to do with anything?" Ron said, George loves Hermione "too," said Fred, "or did he forgot to tell you that," he added sarcastically, "No, I just did not think it was important at the moment -" Whay do you care what he says to me and what not - "Maybe you were too busy in driving me guilty -"  
"Stop!" Hermione yelled "I'm very happy that you all love me so much, and enjoys the Attention and the fact that I am popular for the first time of my life, and considering letting you continue to fight and kill each other and then write a tragic play about it -" "Get to the point," said Ron, "Ok, so the point is - I chose. fifteen minutes ago I decided who I choose "There was a pause," Well, who is it? "Fred said "me or Ron?" "Or me! I also exists you know," George said, "Yes, I'm sorry George but you've never been an option. So i chose -"

Now we take a brief four commercials break , and we will be back soon!  
commercials ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ commercials commercials commercials ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ commercials commercials commercials ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ commercials ~  
Hey! That was more than four commercials!  
Boom!  
And we are back ! we will return Right away to the fanfic "smelly shoe and Friends" sponsored by hunter gunzman hunting guns Inc. i can assure you myself that they are very useful.

"So i chose - Ron," said Hermione, "Ron! Why him?" Said George, "because he went to see the worst (and longest) movie of the century only because it reminded him of me, he suffered the agony of the Heffalump for me!" "come on," said Fred " these films can't be that bad "

\- After eight and a half horrifying hours -  
"noooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can not take it anymore!!!!!!!!!!!! Nooo!!!!!!!!!!!!, No no, no, no! nononononono nooooooo!!! no more of the Heffalump, nooooononooo!!! no, no, he haunts me, noooooooooo!!!!! no, Heffalump Nooo!!!!! "  
"And that's only half the film" Hermione whispered to Ron and George.  
After a while (after Hermione Ron and George covered Fred with a blanket, made him tea, funded him psychological treatment, gave him trauma, pills helped him quit trauma pills and helped him overcome his fear of sleeping alone because Heffalump will come to him at night Fred (and George) managed to adjust to the fact that Hermione really loves Ron and not him. The rumor was spread like wildfire around the world of the dead and in two days everyone knew about it.

Wedding decided to celebrate her victory at a wine and cheese tasting. But after a while she found Fred was still not available, he married the smelly shoe.  
Who is the smelly shoe you ask?  
It is a shoe, and it smells.  
And George married her brother, the repulsive shoe (he is a shoe and repulsive) it turns out he was a gay shoesexual.  
The end!

 

 

 

Epilogue: a wedding's funeral  
"Oh, that's terrible," said Mrs. Weasley to Ginny, as they stood around the grave of the wedding, "What happened to her?" She asked "she killed herself" Ginny said, "Why?" Asked Mrs. Weasley, "because she was in love with someone that did not even knew she Existed" Ginny replied "Well, young love," said Mrs. Weasley.  
Stagadish!  
The end! (Really this time)

**Author's Note:**

> comments and kudos are welcome! (:
> 
> I want to thank Gai http://archiveofourown.org/users/Mrskywalkertomorrow for helping me write and inspiring me with his stupidness, I hate you alot, you Magnificent son of a bitch.  
> i dont own anything.
> 
> i do not own anything.
> 
> אני רוצה לפשוט לכם את העור, ללבוש אותו כמו כובע, לאכול את הבשר שלכם ולהתרחץ בדם שלכם.


End file.
